Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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