It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
