is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
