at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
