I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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