you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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