I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
