I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
