My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
