I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They took my balls.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
