New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
