I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
