i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
