I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
