his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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