This girl is more easily done than said...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
