I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
