dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
