there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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