when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
