I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
