He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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