is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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