And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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