You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
