Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
