i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
