We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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