the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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