i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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