Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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