I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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