I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
