She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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