yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
