if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
