Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
