I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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