So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
