were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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