Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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