i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
