So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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