I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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