I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
