Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
