and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
