Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
