The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
