I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
