I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
